Fierce or Fumbling

This week I'm fumbling.

But I swear to God I've been fierce AF the past year, otherwise. I bought a house, I ditched some extra weight, earned a title change at work, I've stepped up my mom game and I even have a sweet honey.

#killingit

Then. The school year starts. With its endless demands and constant stressors. Homework tears, paperwork ad nauseum, nickel-and-diming letters to home, extracurriculars (Cub Scouts meets on Friday nights, how AWESOME) and catching up with doctor appointments (looks like dude is getting glasses! looks like dude is behind on his dental schedule! looks like dude will need to see a nutritionist if his mom can't get him to expand his palette and slim down a bit!).

All of this comes after months of financial touch-and-go, which just sucks the life out of me.

When I don't have money- when there's no extra, when bills are late, when I'm holding my breath until payday- nothing else feels okay. I can't let go of the stress. It taints everything.

Everything.

I'm scheming ways to make this work, though. There's nothing in our life I'm willing to give up. I already get help from friends and family, and there's no where else to pull from. And there's no energy left with which to pull, anyway.

I need something entirely different.

I've been here before, this desperate place of scheming and hustling to make it all work. I know I'll make a plan, but this time it's gotta be one that sticks. I'm not coming back here again.

Rumi said, "You've seen my descent. Now watch my rising."

This is going to be my rise time.


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